It's been four and a half weeks since last walked without pain. I spend my days now, usually at Dan's place, reading, writing, watching movies, talking on the phone, cooking, eating and looking out the window. Dan lives on the top floor of his apartment building in Brooklyn. He has a great view of the skyline and the city. Sometimes I find myself drawn to the large window in his living room while he's at work and I'm alone at his apartment. I gaze out the window looking at all that is the city, all that I love about the city. I think about all the people walking around in the different parts of the city, down on the ground, by the buildings that I can only see the tops of.
Look at the top of that building; I bet down below there are a group of girlfriends trotting along to enjoy lunch at the newest, most hip cafe. Look at the beautiful upper structure of this building; I bet down below there is a happy couple walking and holding hands as they head out to shop in this beautiful snow. In a city where there are constantly tons of people walking around on the street, it's interesting to only be able to see the sky and the tops of the buildings above them. So many stories. So much going on outside. And I feel as though I'm trapped indoors.
The first three weeks of my injury my spirits remained high. We all battle against obastacels in life, and this is just one hurdle I have to pass. But after my failed attempt to walk and the end of the three week period, my spirits were sinking, and quickly. I am usually bouncy and up-beat, pretty goofy and smily. I like that about myself. I don't want to turn into a sulky Susan. But that is just what I was becoming. I realized I needed to do something about it and stop moping about.
My yoga practice means so much to me, and the ability to teach yoga and to guide a community of like-minded people through their own practices means equally as much to me. These are two things that I am not fully able to do at this time. But, yoga is so much more to me than these two facets of the practice. Yoga is all around us, it's everywhere. People uniting from all around the world during this past year's presidential election, that is yoga. Something as simple as opening the door for, smiling at and speaking to a total stranger can be yoga, if the intention is right.
I became a vegetarian about a year before I even began a yoga practice. Then, almost two years ago, when I really got into Buddhist philosophy I decided it was time to go full-on vegan. A dietary vegan is a vegetarian that follows a plant based diet but also does not consume animal by-products, such as eggs, dairy and honey. Lifestyle vegans follow the diet, but also take it a step further and don't wear animal furs and skins and don't use products that have been tested on animals. As a vegan, I felt more in connection with the universe, more in harmony with living things, than I ever have.
I know people who have been vegans for years and years and years, and although I don't personally know any, there are people who have been vegan their whole lives. I believe that everyone's bodies are different and that maybe some people truly need meat while others can be be at their optimal health on a vegan diet. I had been anemic for years even before I was vegetarian and after being vegan for a year I started to get sick and crave meat. So after being vegetarian for about four years, vegan for one year, and not eating red meat since I was a child, I returned to the carnivorous lifestyle just this last June of 2008.
Now it is January 12, 2009 and as I stand on my good leg, looking out Dan's window, I feel like I'm losing myself. I've lost the ability to do a full yoga practice as well.
But, wait a minute, what defines me and who I am? There is no beginning to who I am, no end to who I can be and no binds that I cannot break through. I will practice yoga through my diet, the way that I used to. I have been feeling for a little while now that I no longer need meat after these seven months. For so long I have known myself as a yogini and a vegetarian. For now, I will, once again as I have in the past, let the food I eat be a part of my yoga.
If yoga is the union of body, mind and soul, then I must return to the conscious way of eating that I have followed almost my entire adult life. I feel refreshed and just great about my decision to return to vegetarianism. I feel like I have taken back a part of my identity that I lost. And although, we are not our labels, and we are not our titles or duties, we are possibly what feelings these labels, titles and duties bring to us emotionally and spirirtually.
I feel great about returning to vegetarianism. And the mindful way that I eat, reminds me that I have the power to cure myself; that is yoga. I have the power to cure myself and I will make it through this.
So, my intention in writing this article, is not to tell you how to eat. This article really wasn't even about food. It's about finding your yoga in every way that you can. And by that, I mean finding your spirituality and letting it be a part of as much of what you do as possible. So that the YOU shines through in every situation, and every task. So as not to ever lose sight of who you are. So as not to ever lose sight of your beauty.
